Reflection March 27

O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;
    my soul thirsts for you;
my flesh faints for you,
    as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.
So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary,
    beholding your power and glory.
Because your steadfast love is better than life,
    my lips will praise you.
So I will bless you as long as I live;
    in your name I will lift up my hands.

Psalm 63:1-4

At the beginning of this year, I was feeling far from God. I just continually didn’t explicitly feel his leading. This was hard on me because I was in the middle of making a very big life decision – whether or not to keep teaching. This is something that we prayed about for a very long time, but I still didn’t necessarily feel God leading me one way or another. But we had a deadline, and I made the leap. I feel peace about the situation, but still feel like I am in a season of distance from God. Since I have been in this season, a friend suggested a prayer “reset” and loaned me a book to help me outline my time spent with the Lord more specifically. I realized that with two boys in the house, I wasn’t good at having a consistent quiet time without distractions. I’ve since began waking up earlier and spending time with the Lord before the boys are up. I am still in a season of feeling silence from the Lord, but I know that he rewards persistence, as in the parable of the persistent widow. For this reason, just as David says in the Psalm, “earnestly I seek you,” I will constantly seek him until I have found him and am surrounded by him.

Even though I am in a “dry” season, I know who God is and what he has done, just as David says: “I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory.” He is awesome, regardless of what I feel at this moment. I am not that big on highlighting Bible verses, but I do have a few, and verse three is one of them, “Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.”  He is awesome, amazing, powerful, and incredibly loving and no matter where I am I pray that I will always seek him, and thirst for him. Because his love IS better than life and anything in it. He is a compassionate king who loves me even when I am in this “dry” season. Verse four wraps it all up with “I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands.” And I will. Because he is steadfast when I am fickle and his love is what defines me.

Jen Lawson